For some of us, it may not be so easy to focus on feeling good or maintain an optimistic outlook. I want you to know, that’s ok. And if you are struggling in this place, where life sucks, I can empathize. After spending most of my adult life in that mental place, I can understand how it feels.
Today marks 2 weeks of Wildflower May and I’ve gotten sideswiped by certain things that came back from my past into my current reality. Abraham Hicks calls this contrast. Life will hand you things you don’t want. You may be tempted to focus upon the things that confuse you; how could this happen to me? I don’t understand how this could happen, I closed that door long ago. Statements like this may run through your head like a girl on a mission.
What to do when life hands you a shift storm
I’m writing this post because I’ve come face to face with a shift storm. I know many others are going to be facing this in their life too. As three planets enter retrograde, the energy is slowing down and considerations of past relationships need to be made.
For me, this manifested as a voicemail from my ex who never wanted to call me his anything until I said no. Until I disappeared he never wanted me. He wanted me to behave a certain way, he wanted me to act like his mannerisms were not sexist, racist, or offensive. This is the person who was the worst for me, but the biggest, and best lesson I’ve learned.
Despite blocking his number, I received a voicemail from him. I listened to it, and despite the healing I’ve done, and despite all the leaps I’ve made, the part of me who showed up said, give him a call, it’s an unprecedented time and he probably needs help. So I did.
I found myself spewing wisdom at him, from the ho’oponopono practice of self love, to suggesting meditation. The part of me this came from was the fixer, the part of me who wants to help him heal says it’s not worth my energy to heal him.
The next day, he called me, and I decided that it’s ok to be open, so I answered. After a bit of surface level chit-chat, he said
Guess what?
What?
I love you
I realized after this happened that I suggested being friends. And in some mish-mash of words, he had tried to say he wanted something else.
I’m sharing this story because it violates so many boundaries, for someone to behave this way. He decided that after 7 years, of on again off again, and off for 2, he could come back and express his feelings.
Part of me understands this, because I have wanted to express my feelings for someone after things had ended, and despite the desire, I also desired to move on, and put myself first.
Having this person in my life, saying this to me, and existing in my reality has thrown me off my horse of personal development. All I could talk to my friends about was this. I even crossed boundaries because I wanted to express how deeply this person hurt me and justified that; because it had never happened means I needed more guidance.
The truth is, I let this situation catch me off guard as soon as I let it take my attention. As soon as I let the thought of what to do consume me, I gave away my power.
How to get your power back
The thought of what to do still confuses me, I’ve said I don’t know 100 times in the past 24 hours, than in the past 8 months. So when it comes to getting your power back, I’m not sure how well I can describe this, but we’ll see.
After 48 hours of this situation, I cried a little confessing to myself how badly I don’t want to be the person I was. I don’t want to give up everything I’ve worked for. So instead of plunging down the PLOM hole, I centered myself with YouTube clips of Abraham Hicks, who say everything is working out for me.
1. Pivot from PLOM to LOCK
Every time I would get depressed and say why does this happen to me, my mom would say, do you have PLOM disease? and explain that poor little old me, is the victim mentality. It’s when the warrior gives in to the master and confesses their failure, or perceived undeservingness of the situation at hand.
I always hated when she pointed this out, like how can all you say be to point out how much I’m allowing myself to suffer? And then one day I heard the statement, letting myself suffer. I realized that Love, openness, compassion, and kindness are more powerful than suffering ever will be.
A lot of philosophers have suggested that in order to have a good life, suffering is a condition of having a life, so a good life requires more suffering. This seems illogical, as does no pain no gain, and other statements that are known around cultures.
The next question is how to pull yourself from poor little old me, into love, compassion and kindness. My answer is through accepting your role in how situations manifested through your own involvement.
For example, I accept responsibility for the part of me who turned into a 19 year old on the phone. I accept responsibility for the part of me who was so defensive and on edge that her friend triggered a mean reaction by asking about the situation. I take and hold responsibility for the part of me who let this person back in to their safe space for multiple years despite numerous red flags and issues.
Accepting this responsibility is only done with LOCK because love leads to openness, compassion and kindness. It is more difficult to pivot when you don’t feel safe in your own skin, and believe me that if this had happened 3 months ago I probably would have gone further past my own boundaries and lost sight of who I wanted to become by wanting to be-one with him.
2. Accept what is, and focus on the lesson
Finding the lesson within difficult situations is always a beneficial practice. I went through the thoughts of how could I do this to myself, and many many more just like it. But then I realized that the universe is testing me.
An arrow can only be released when the string is pulled back with force, and released with high trajectory. The universe is pulling back, testing your limits, and seeing how you react to the past, in order to propel you into your incredible future!
I’ve been searching for my soul mate, and I can feel how close I’m getting to him. In order to find him, I have to face this old relationship and end it with healthy communication in order to seal the wound.
Accept the reality for what it is, your part in it, and the lesson you can decipher from the situation.
3. Write a letter to yourself in 3 days, or two weeks, and talk about how this is making you feel.
I like to do this when I’m feeling overwhelmed and can’t focus on anything but the people and relationships around me. I’ll start with writing to myself in a couple days, and tell her how this is the least of your concerns, because it’s so much fun to work on the bracelet business, and focus on the opportunities for personal growth.
Marci Shimoff says, energy goes where attention flows. This statement resonates here because pulling yourself into the future moment of 3 days, or 3 weeks from now also pulls your energy into the possibilities of tomorrow. It draws your soul into the future, and your attention, intention and release of tension allows the future to flow with ease to you.
Have you ever found that your week goes more smoothly when you’ve thought about what this week is going to bring? Have you ever written a list of what would be really cool to accomplish this week or month? These practices put your energy, attention, and intention in the future, pushing you forward instead of sinking in the past.
Remember…
If you’re in the groove with the universe, good for you! If you’re finding that life is handing you a shift storm, I hope that my story of shifting resonates with you and you’re able to get your power back.
Remember that everything is exactly as it is supposed to be, you’re not behind, you’re not too fast, or too much, you are perfect right now.
In the midst of COVID-19 and this shift storm, I want to say that despite what the past brings up in emotions for me with this person, it’s still my most significant relationship, and I’m grateful for all the positive memories I shared with this person. I’m also grateful for all the negative situations because they taught me how to stand up for myself, despite my own actions to self sabotage.
It helps me process emotions by writing. Not everyone is like this, but I encourage you to find your writing voice by working through situations with words. This is something I always did because of the weird friendships I had in the past.
Hope you enjoyed reading this truly authentic post!
With love and light,
~~ stay true, stay weird ~~
~~ Kristi