~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
All of a sudden I woke up.
It’s 3:26 am, my mind is playing tricks on me.
The vividness of my dreams often scares me, I can feel everything that happens, every emotion, touch, breath.
The tension between our bodies, the touch of his lips on mine, the way his hair feels in my fingers.
It’s as if I’m there, with him… but that’s not possible.
I haven’t met him yet.
This dawns on me, it was just a dream I remind myself, heavy with the feeling of desire.
I can’t get back to sleep now.
The darkness does this to me, it feeds on me by taking away my energy.
I grab my headphones, put on my workout gear and head out the door.
Yes, I run at 3:26 am.
Yes, it’s dark, it’s not cold, but the humidity of the night time air makes for a trying run.
I get outside; music on, run, run, run, breath, breath.
As I find my pace, it becomes easier, the runners high they call it.
I’m focusing on my music, but my mind wanders…
“What is your life? You are worthless and empty inside”
I take a break, my breathing becomes short.
The mean girls in my head aren’t real, I remind myself. Keep thinking about your dream. He is real.
I try and calm myself down by thinking about the fantasy man in my dream… who is he? Will I ever meet him?
Am I even capable of letting someone in..
All these questions bouncing around in my brain.
Why would anyone love me?
This one sticks.
I get back home, the sun is coming up, it’s been two hours.
As I’m walking toward my house, I can see a shadow behind me… What the hell!
I start walking faster, the shadow gets bigger.
Is this the darkness? Is there someone following me?
I’m too nervous to check behind me, so I keep walking, jogging, focusing on my music.
I feel someone behind me.
I turn.
“Katie? What’s wrong?”
Oh, it’s just you.
Why are you following me?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Want to know what happens next?
Tune in next Wednesday for chapter 3!
With light and love,
Blessings,
Stay true stay weird.
~~ Kristina