It’s easier to say it than to write it!
I wrote about this situation and how a shift storm can cause you to reconsider and pivot according to the contrast of what you don’t want in your life. But how do you get to the place where you do know what you want? Sometimes it can be hard, if you’re used to giving in and pleasing others, and submitting to fixing those who cannot seem to fix themselves, then pulling yourself out of this hole will feel like a run up a 90 degree hill. There’s too much resistance toward leaving because others keep pressuring you to stay.
It’s a version of peer pressure that we are taught about in health class in middle school, but they left out that peer pressure isn’t just about sex and drugs, but also about people pushing their needs onto you. People who cannot grasp what a boundary is because they never learned, and they want you to help them learn.
How to build the vision of your future self
In November, I started to see the vision of my future self. It takes time to build yourself into this place of comfort, ease, and peace with the future, but it starts with tackling what you’re doing right now.
1. Let go of conditionals
A condition is something that comes out of an action, or a result based on x + y = z. When we have conditionals on our future self, they can sound like prisons in our head.
I’ll be married in 2022, have 5 kids within 6 years, and keep up my running throughout all of this, oh and earn a Ph.D while also being a mother.
All of these things that you want are conditional to the future. We think that attaining these things will make us feel better after hitting that goal, and getting that ring, or earning that degree. The problem occurs when we put all of our desire, happiness, and positive thinking into the attainment of these things, and lose sight of where we are right now.
Once these conditions are let go of, it’s easier to make a general statement about the future, to focus on the feeling of what the future will bring, not the ends, or things that will make the future good.
In 5 years, I will have a happy marriage with the perfect person for me. In some time, I will earn a degree that aligns with my passions for education, justice, and alternative thinking. At some point, I will publish 5 books and earn a living that brings me freedom to live how I want.
Can you feel the relaxation and difference between the two statements about the future? I’m still focused on what I want, but with more gentleness and lightness within the words and way of saying it.
2. Use the past and present as a foundation
Is there someone who brings out the best in you? Can you identify what you admire the most about the person you’re crushing on or admiring from afar? If yes, then the next step is to work on creating those traits within yourself, in this moment, and the next moments going forward.
Creating a plan for adapting new traits is not conditional because you are seeing the positive aspects of the people around you. What you’re doing instead is cherry picking who you want to become and implementing those cherries into your little garden. Once you’ve planted the cherry of joy, or the cherry of cheerfulness, it will bloom into an authentic flower of your own.
What I mean by this authentic flower is that you, your personality and current traits will embody this new trait, and your personal authentic self will grow into this new trait; blooming into your authentic and true self.
3. Step lightly and be gentle
When you choose to live a life of love, you become less defensive, more open, and allow freedom to enter into your personal reality. Within this, gentleness, and light play a large role in keeping your energy in tune with yourself.
Consider grabbing a notebook and writing down the question; what does it mean to be light? What does it mean to be gentle? How does it feel to embody these two traits?
For me, I always think of my father’s mother, she was also born in September and I always felt similar to her in a spiritual way. She had this calm, almost slowness about her, that was so gentle and light. Answering the above questions with this experience of remembering how my grandmother carried herself helps me to visualize how to embody it.
Usually, I am high strung, and full of energy, but when I think of this memory, my whole being slows down, and I get this sensation of comfort.
Remember…
Everything happens for a reason, if old people are showing up in your life, stand firmly in your truth with gentleness, light and love. If you wish to cut ties, assert yourself and communicate this.
Your truth may differ from theirs, and that’s ok. If they don’t like it, it’s a sign that you’re triggering something within them. Consider it a lesson and ask yourself how it makes you feel, and remember that it’s a co-operative relationship, where both parties play a role. Be sure to acknowledge your role in triggering them, and forgive yourself.
Hope you enjoyed the video blog!
With love and light,
~~~ Stay true stay weird ~~~
~~ Kristina