Recap…
I smiled shyly.
Was it about me?
I laughed, out loud this time.
Now that’s a dream you’d dream about, I said playfully.
The truth is, I don’t know if it was or not.
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You know that moment, the moment you decided to change your life?
For me, it happened when Harvey left.
The last and final breakup. It didn’t shake me this time.
After nearly four years of trying to decide what I wanted, I finally knew.
I started to seek answers with myself.
Who am I?
What is my purpose?
If you’re wondering, I gave in and had one last night with him.
After 5 years of waiting for that moment, I decided I’d get my prize.
One last night with the man who broke my heart.
But wait, my darkness fluttered.
Am I his prize, or is he my prize?
Hmmmm. I’m definitely his prize.
But then, do I let him win?
One. Last. Time.
Then it hit me.
The darkness is trying to control me!
Hey, you’re awake.
I could only find ingredients for some sort of pancake thing…
Are you still doing that vegan thing?
Mhmmmm, still vegan. Thank you for making… food hahah
So tell me something.
How gooooood was last night ?
Not as great as he thinks it was.
I guess that’s how it usually is.
Or maybe the men I like just take an hour and a half to reach their pleasure cap.
Not even sure if he has a limit…
It was wonderful.
I mumbled as I went over and gave him a hug from behind.
Pressing my naked body onto his bare back and taking in the warmth of the man I once loved.
His smell took me back to the third year of dating.
It was the most stable for both of us.
I was dealing with my mom’s funeral.
Her death hit me like a baseball to the family jewels, hard and fast.
Painful too.
That was the year I asked him to move in with me on my birthday.
He wouldn’t tell me where he was working, but I know he had a job.
I wasn’t working.
Even fresh out of College I couldn’t find a full time job.
Our capitalistic world doesn’t appreciate visual arts diplomas.
All of a sudden the doorbell rang.
bzzzzzzzz-bzzzz-bzzzz
Hi.
Harvey?
Are you ready for our date?
I couldn’t reach you on your phone……so I just wanted to make sure everything is ok.
He didn’t say anything.
Her voice came over the machine like a burst of cold air.
As I’m holding him, still in the hug, he shrugged me off, and ran into the bedroom.
bzzzzzzzz-bzzzz-bzzzz
There she was again; the mystery woman, with the stranger from my past.
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Want to know what happens next?
Tune in next Wednesday for Chapter 5!
With light and love,
Blessings,
Stay true stay weird.
~~ Kristina