10 Pieces of Advice to my Younger Self
I’m writing this piece to help heal my inner child, and offer advice to my younger self that I feel I needed, and still need to hear.
1. Other people’s opinions should not change your opinion of yourself
The best advice I can give to my younger self, is to stop caring about what other people think of you, and keep becoming yourself.
I wish someone had given me this advice at 12 years old, when I was in middle school.
Even if someone had, I probably would not have listened.
Middle school was not a good experience for me. I made friends with the wrong people, and rejected the popular guy who asked me out in grade 7.
My friends at the time decided it was super fun to prank call him, at his house. At the time kids having cell phones was not a thing, and I remember prank phone calling his mom.
He thought this was the worst thing a person could do, he called me his stalker, and told everyone in school I was a creeper, and a loser.
I rejected him because I didn’t know him, and as soon as I said no, he became this person I wanted to know.
At one point, I liked him so much, I made him a keychain, that had his name in it. In the shape of a lizard, with glow in the dark beads.
His friends started calling me an ugly lizard, and continued to bully me for being myself.
This was in middle school, but he ended up at the same high school as me, and the bullying didn’t stop.
I always felt like no one liked me, because this guy ruled the school. His friends would snicker and laugh at me. No one wanted to be in my group for projects because of what my reputation was.
High school was not an easy experience either. I switched schools before grade 11 because the bullying wouldn’t stop.
I remember sitting in the cafeteria with one group who didn’t hate me, and someone threw chicken nuggets at me.
So why pour my heart out here? It won’t change what happened to me, it may change how the person reading this views me.
Even if it does, the point is that what other people think of me should not have prompted me to switch schools.
Reflection
Two years ago, I was invited to a high school reunion for the school I switched from.
I went, because it was shocking that I was even invited.
Everyone was weirded out that I was there, but some were glad to see me.
Then, the guy who bullied me got there. He walked past me, and vented his shirt as if he were sweating from how hot I was, while walking right past me.
This type of behaviour was something I expected from him.
After 10 years, since being at the same school as him, I actually went to the reunion with the intention of making peace with him, and having the first real life conversation.
That’s right, we had never had a conversation. It was mainly gossip and cyber bullying. I have vague memories of texting him one summer, but can’t remember what we talked about, just that every time my phone buzzed I was excited.
As I went to leave the reunion, I went to get my coat, he saw me, and ducked down, like he couldn’t bear to look at me.
I grabbed my coat and went to thank the person who hosted the reunion. I asked him if the specific person was here and his response made me feel sick.
Oh, you’re looking for him? Haha, of course you are. No, he just left, that’s too bad you missed him.
I could hear the disgust and judgement in his voice. This person left the reunion of his high school because I had the balls to show up.
He was still ashamed of how he treated me. He is still immature and unhealed.
There was a point where I hated him, but now, I just wish him well.
2. Listen to the wisdom of your elders
My next piece of advice to my younger self is to listen to those who are older than you.
I’d also say, keep drawing, writing, making bracelets, and become inspired by the things you like.
When I was a child, my mom says I potty trained myself, and screamed ME DO IT! as I ripped off my diaper and did it myself.
Stubborn, or determined, it’s all on how you perceive the action.
It’s hard for me to take the advice of those around me seriously sometimes because of the inner need to figure it out myself.
This need to figure it out leads me to wanting to hear advice from everyone, whether I take it or not, in an attempt to see every perspective.
My advice is to take more seriously the advice of those who are wiser than you.
Wiser, to me, means having gone through a similar or the same situation.
Every time I would get upset about a fight with a friend, I would have a break down because I put all my energy into having friends.
What I needed someone to say, and I’m sure my mom did, is that friends don’t define you.
One fight with a friend is not the end of the world, nor is it a reflection of who you are or anything you’ve done that has caused this.
She could have said this 1000 times.
Until last summer, when my friend of 7 years who I considered my family away from home, decided I was not welcome to stay at her house because of a statement I said at lunch; I finally figured it out myself.
Friends don’t define me, I define me.
I had to go through one of the most traumatic experiences of my life, in order to find myself.
I can say, that if she hadn’t kicked me out of her house, I would be a different person, and I am grateful that she did.
3. Stay creative, and keep yourself inspired
If I could meet my 15 year old self, I would the advice I would give my younger self is about how she talks to herself.
It’s so important to create a healthy internal dialogue.
I look back on some personal experiences, and wonder if I played a role in how it played out, and then I think about it, and I did.
But it’s not about self-blame, there’s no value in blaming myself for something that’s over.
In fact, I have forgiven myself for the actions that contributed to the experience above.
Healing requires forgiveness toward yourself, before it can extend outwards to others.
Being creative and inspired is an outlet for personal development.
Before healing, I couldn’t find the motivation, or interest in drawing, singing, running even. Now that I understand that these experiences are helping to shape who I’m becoming, channeling inspiration and creative energy comes naturally. I find it healing to draw, and practice calligraphy. Most importantly, I find writing posts like this one to be especially healing.
Keep yourself inspired by staying true to who you are, and not letting negative or past experiences define your future abilities.
4. Sometimes our actions have good intentions with negative consequences
The value comes from understanding that my own actions affected others, and if I could go back in time, the advice I’d give is to be kind to people, no matter how they treat you.
I know that I’d say “But I am!” and try to argue that I am a kind person.
It’s true, I am a kind person. But after reflecting hard on my past experiences, I also notice that I was easily influenced by the wrong people, and my good intentions became negative actions.
The advice I would give to my younger self is to think about what you say before you say it.
If you have already thought about it, and you believe the person deserves to hear it, then say it to yourself before you say it to them, and see how it makes you feel.
Empathy is a powerful practice. I wish I learned how to predict how my words and actions might make someone feel before creating that consequence.
5. There is more to life than school! Explore beyond it.
My next piece of advice, is to explore beyond school! There is so much more to life than a classroom!
It’s ironic to write this as a teacher, spending 6 years in university was not enough, and now I spend my time teaching in a classroom.
But, this time in what adults call the real world has opened my eyes to the vastness of life outside the classroom.
Education is valuable, absolutely! But so is experience. Go on that volunteer trip while you’re single, and not working. Spend your summer in Bali travelling and learning about different cultures.
The world is now your classroom!
Go learn as much as you possibly can by creating a diverse amount of experiences to call your own.
6. Family is forever, good friends make life better
My younger self needs to hear this piece of advice the most.
Family, is the only social group that will stick by you, no matter what. Yes, there are exceptions, but your parents, and your siblings love you unconditionally.
I ran away from home once. Just left and went to stay with this girl I knew from camp. I was having trouble with my mental health and needed space from my family.
Reflecting on this experience is difficult, I can’t believe I ever intentionally ran away.
As a middle child, I always felt like the one who was the least liked.
My siblings both love video games, and my sister gets along better with boys, where I’ve always had difficult experiences bonding with boys (probably because of what happened in middle school).
Feeling like an outcast in your own family is the worst feeling in the world. But it’s even worse to think that I hated myself enough to think that my family didn’t want me.
That feeling is part of my mental health that I’ve faced and come to terms with.
My advice to my younger self is, no matter what you think they think, that’s actually a reflection of how you feel about yourself.
Feeling unwanted by my family had nothing to do with how they treated me, but more about how I felt on the inside.
No one at school liked me, so why would my family want me either? This goes back to the self-talk advice.
Friends make life better, for a reason, season or lifetime.
In my experience, I’ve lost friends, just to make new ones.
I’ve recently let go of many of my longest and strongest friendships.
The advice I want to give to my younger self is that friends don’t always stay in your life forever.
Knowing that there is a possible ending for friendship will allow you to create a healthy non-attachment toward friends.
This is not to say that I expect my friendships to end in a way that allows for the comfort of losing them, but the exact opposite.
I love my friends as much as I can because I know that they won’t always be in my life, and I want the moments that I have with them to be the best and most magical moments for us to remember.
7. If you think about it too much, there’s a reason
On my healing journey, one constant theory that repeats is what you think about you attract. This is a Buddhist principle and suggests that thoughts lead to experiences in external reality.
As a virgo, and a person with anxiety, overthinking, analyzing and attempting to understand every detail of an experience or situation is not new to me.
I was the person who would constantly vent about a fight with a friend and ask for advice.
So I want to give my younger self this advice; if you’re thinking about it constantly, you probably have not let it go!
Let it go! Everyone would say this to me. Kris, just let it go! But my mind couldn’t.
If you think about something constantly, there’s a reason. There’s a lesson in that experience.
Find the lesson, and you’ll begin to understand the situation more clearly.
8. Everything happens for a reason
I never believed that there was a reason to experiences that were difficult.
The advice I want to give my younger self is; there is a lesson in each experience, and that is the reason.
Until this year, I never believed this.
Ask me now, and I’ll tell you that’s the purpose of life; to realize that everything that we experience has a purpose to it, a lesson.
The specific example I have to give is Arbonne. I have learned more about myself, about business, and about friendship in the last 4 months with Arbonne than I did with my other jobs.
How? Because it is self-motivated. How well you do in Arbonne is based on how much you put into it. This is the way it works and the way it helps people find their passions through the business.
Arbonne has also helped me control my anxiety with their 30 days to healthy living program.
More on Arbonne in a post coming soon!
9. Keep looking forward
When I started writing this, I didn’t think I had enough advice to give my younger self for a whole post.
Turns out, I have more than enough advice!
It may be directed toward my younger self, but looking forward is something my current self needs to hear too.
The past has happened, there’s no going back; the only way to go is forward.
10. Your life is just beginning
As a teacher, I always wonder why some of the kids feel like their life sucks when they haven’t experienced more than two decades of life.
I can relate to that feeling, like everything in high school is the meaning of your whole life, but the experiences we have in school are creating who we are to become in the future.
Your life is just beginning, and that is the blessing of being young.
It’s been two years since I graduated from my Masters program.
School was the only social setting I had been immersed in for years, leaving it was incredibly difficult, but also extremely rewarding.
There is so much more to life than school! So much more!
Yes, school is important, but it is not the end all of your life. Experiences are just as valuable, and what you do after school is important to determining who you will become in the future.
Advice To My Future Self
Now that all the advice to my younger self is out there; I want to extend this post and give advice to my future self.
Actions speak louder than words
This is something I learned at a very young age. Your actions, and body language speak louder than your words.
Remember that if a person cares about you, they will find the time to spend with you.
When you set goals;
Instead of going around and telling everyone you’re a writer, do the action of writing and let people call you a writer.
Words can be said about anything. I can write about true love without ever having experienced it. I can write about aliens, and universes without knowing anything but my own.
Actions, however, show a person’s true feelings toward another. The act of assistance with emotional distress, and offering solace to someone in a difficult situation is an action that allows the other to know you care.
Saying “I’m here for you no matter what” is different than being there for me when I can’t handle the stress in my life.
Keep true to your actions, and use your words wisely.
Authenticity is key
The most powerful thing you can do is find your true self.
Being unapologetically authentic is key to having the happiest life. If you’re not authentic then you’re living according to how someone else wants you to behave, and you’re not listening to yourself.
Living authentically means feeling your emotions, and releasing them in a healthy way.
Authenticity is more than just being true to yourself.
Never sacrifice your true self for anyone
If you give up on yourself for the purpose of pleasing someone else, are you living authentically?
As an adult, it seems impossible to never sacrifice your true self for anyone, but this is something that is learned.
Just as pleasing everyone else before taking care of yourself is learned behaviour, honouring your true self must be learned as well.
Thinking positively brings positivity to you
The Buddhist philosophies are the wisest in my opinion.
What you think about, you become.
What you imagine, you create.
What you feel, you attract.
The mind, consciousness, and energy are everything. If you think positively about the future, you are bringing more positivity towards you.
Just as thinking you are abundant, brings more abundance, the universe works on what you project with your mind, and with your incredible consciousness.
Remember…
Advice is another way to reflect on experiences.
The advice to my younger self is still applicable to my current self.
It’s one thing to write about advice, and then not take it. That’s why I included incredibly raw and personal stories, to show that I am taking the advice that I am giving in this post.
I try daily, to be authentic, and keep my actions stronger than my words.
If you liked this post, leave a comment!
Blessings,
With love and light,
Stay true stay weird.
~~ Kristina