Day 8 of Wildflower May and I’ve written mostly about my experiences of the past and how I’ve come to the place within myself of truth and authenticity. Today’s post offers 5 ways to be more authentic, and maintain authentic friendships, relationships, and connections with others in this weird time we’re all experiencing.
The Question of Authenticity
What is authenticity and why has this word become so key to modern society? I first heard this word when studying teacher identity in graduate school, and found myself relating to it in a conceptual way.
To be authentic means to stand in the truth of who you are, whether that is speaking your truth, or standing up for yourself when you need to, or forming your own boundaries with those in your life, to create the structure you need to continue being authentic.
5 Tips for Authentic Friendships
I’ve written about authenticity before, and re-reading that post I want to highlight how to be more authentic in friendships during a time of social distancing, where people are not sure about whether they can truly be there for a friend if it is virtual, or requiring no-contact in real life.
The future self is a concept similar to the authentic self, and higher self. Mainly because you are looking for the person you want to become, rather than looking back at the person you were.
Why the World Needs Authenticity – August 2019
This quote outlines the concept of being authentic as something that is within your view of yourself, a dimension of complex identity which offers truth and self-love as the foundation.
1. Come from a genuine place of compassion
Strong friendships require a strong friendship with ourselves in order to bring an authentic version of ourselves to a conversation with someone else.
It doesn’t matter if you’ve known this person 2 days or 12 years, your friendship with yourself is what defines your authenticity, and your ability to be authentic in any social situation.
When you come from a genuine place of compassion, first for yourself, and fill your own cup, in order to give that compassion to others. Your cup of compassion is stronger when it’s full because you’re not giving compassion only to others, but also maintaining the compassion for yourself.
Consider how cat’s act, and see how they are always thinking about themselves first, it is your choice, whether to show up in a friendship or not, it’s not up to the other person.
An unhealthy friendship occurs when there is a lack of reciprocity in that relationship.
2. Avoid judgment and assumptions, clarify if necessary
The golden rule is to treat others as you’d want to be treated. This rule rings true, as when we interact with friends, we are teaching them how we want to be treated, and vice versa.
Avoiding judgments of the actions of others for the purpose of reciprocity is a good way of being authentic in friendships.
If I am comfortable enough to tell you about a questionable action, it follows that as a friend, there is no judgment of my actions from you. I wouldn’t want to subject myself to unnecessary judgments from friends, and so creating authenticity within ourselves, and building a foundation of self-acceptance, solidifies our personal ability to stop judging others actions as well.
Acceptance of others begins by accepting ourselves, for all our flaws, imperfections, strengths and weaknesses. Part of being an authentic friend comes when we avoid assuming negative aspects of others, and also work on letting go of talking about situations with others.
If I am continuously judging myself, and assuming the worst of others by discussing problems I see in the friendships, I am being inauthentic, and my mindset is in a dimension of negative thinking.
To pull yourself out of this mindset, it’s vital to claim your power back. Go back to the list of your positive aspects, and begin cultivating a positive mindset.
If you’re faced with situations that make you unsure or feel insecure, take a moment before responding and ask yourself how you can offer yourself compassion, and change your approach before communicating back to the other person.
3. Keep your authenticity by expressing your boundaries
Another pillar to being authentic in friendships, comes by having, and expressing healthy boundaries. Boundaries are the expression of our needs, to others.
For example; texting a friend late at night, they might say I have to get to bed soon, as I work in the morning, this is an expression of their need to put their sleep first, and their overall health in front of the conversation.
You may feel two things;
I want to keep talking, but the other person doesn’t want to talk to me, I wonder if I did anything wrong.
I appreciate their ability to stand up for what is important to them, and I will do the same for myself.
Coming from a place of being authentic, the second feeling is a more authentic choice.
If you felt the first response, take this time to recognize a pattern in your own behaviour.
Ask yourself some questions; Is there something you’re avoiding acknowledging? Have you been let down before? How is this person’s boundary making me feel? How can I learn to form healthy boundaries for myself?
4. Offer a safe space, with a kind approach
An authentic person knows how to feel safe and own their power. When we feel safe, we can express who we truly are. It’s important that our friendships help us feel safe, and that we practice self-love actions that encourage safety in ourselves as well.
Coming from a place of kindness, appreciation, and love, is powerful because we are extending those feelings from ourselves, toward others. If my practice of self-love, is not fully functional, then I will be able to offer less kindness to others. It all comes back to what we’re offering ourselves.
5. Be honest and truthful, always
Tomorrow I will be discussing the difference between these two concepts and get into the philosophies behind them. I always bring truth and honesty to my friendships and encourage both myself and my friends to be honest and stand in the truth of who they are. I never assume what that truth is, as assuming I know the answer is infringing upon their power and is unhealthy.
Being authentic means to show up with both truth and honesty.
It means becoming truthful and honest with yourself first, about your past, your now, and your future.
It means building a friendship with your future self, acknowledging the wisdom of your higher self, and cultivating your ability to live by being authentic every day.
Remember…
It’s not always personal, but it is a reflection of something you need to work on inside yourself. Triggers that pull you out of being authentic are reminders of blocks in our identity.
Being authentic means showing up fully as yourself, without judgment or assumptions. When you cultivate this, and practice being authentic, it becomes easier to stand in your own power, and bring your light to the world.
I hope you’re enjoying the Wildflower May series! Leave a comment about authentic friendships and let me know if you enjoyed reading this post!
With love and light,
~~ stay true, stay weird ~~
~~ Kristi
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