In my 25 years of life, I have learned many lessons. Here are some of the rules that I live by.
It’s not necessary to view a rule as something that you must follow no matter what, but something to keep in mind for how you want to live your life and who you want to become.
There are 13 rules because in Italian culture, 13 is a lucky number, I do believe that it brings luck, not fear.
Philosophy Friday video coming on Friday the 13th to discuss whether 13 is a positive or negative number, and where that idea came from!
I hope you enjoy reading my 13 rules to live by!!
1. Competition should only be with yourself
This may seem odd in a highly competitive society. Everyone wants more followers than their friends. You need better grades than everyone else to get into that program. That job you want, has 200 other applicants who have the same or similar skills and experience as you.
It’s overwhelming to think of how much this society wants us to compete with others.
I used to try; get better grades, be the best student in class, be a better daughter than my sister and surpass my brother by getting into grad school.
Except, I felt empty.
It didn’t satisfy me like I thought it would.
It is part of the human condition to compare yourself to others, but the comparison is invalid because you are unique.
Your uniqueness cannot be compared to anyone else because they don’t have the same uniqueness as you. no one else has experienced what you have, no one else can have the same path as you.
It may seem like others have a similar path, but their mind, and their soul is unique to them, thus yours is unique to you.
I believe that competition perpetuates social norms. I also believe that confining myself to the norm is the opposite of success. I don’t want to be normal,
Normal is boring
I don’t want to fit into the box that society sets up.
The only person I like to compete with is my past self.
Then, I set goals and do things that will benefit my future self.
By setting up my future self, and putting her in my line of sight, it becomes easier to accomplish things that are good for me, and only me.
One example of this;
My future self would like to have healthy kids.
In order to do this, my body, my female body, must be healthy and able to carry my children into this world.
I need to act in a way that makes this future self possible. That means, quitting vaping, eating vegan, and running more.
2. Self-Love is more than a trend
Self-love is all over social media and it is becoming a mainstream concept that a lot of people are pushing.
Loving yourself is mainstream because a lot of Instagrammers, youtubers, and modern creative artists struggle with self-esteem.
It’s the innate and intrinsic belief in the value of yourself just for being you.
Loving yourself is more than being able to smile at your reflection. it’s more than being happy with your physical body, your job and your life. It’s about accepting where you’ve been, what you’re going through now, and anything that comes your way because you are you and that is amazing!
3. Believe in yourself!
This one was hard for me to learn. I always asked other people to help me, motivate me, provide value to myself through their approval, but I never believed in myself.
I never did until I realized that my opinion of myself is the only one that matters.
My power, my inner strength, comes from knowing that I am capable without the influence of others. I can be independent, successful, healthy, and loving without the approval of those around me.
Why? Because…
Choosing to believe in yourself is exactly that, a choice.
Everything takes time, even finding the ability to believe in yourself.
Only the self can heal the self
At the end of the day though, believing in your abilities is only something you can do, because they’re your abilities and only you know what they are what they are worth.
4. Everyone has something to teach you
There is a lesson in every relationship we find ourselves in.
Whether it’s the friend from elementary school who suddenly is too busy, or the boyfriend who was emotionally abusive.
Both of these relationships are teaching you something.
I have learned, in the most difficult way possible, that the Universe is trying to teach you something when it sends you challenges.
In the past year, I have let go of 3 friends. These are people I have known and grown with for 7 years.
These are people I considered my absolute best, most reliable friends in the world. I referred to them as soul sisters, the platonic equivalent of a soul mate.
The lesson these endings taught me is simple; be independent.
It was more than be independent. The lesson extended into, believe in yourself and have faith in your power.
In terms of romance, and relationships with intimacy, I believe that everyone you have a romantic relationship with is bringing you closer to the person you are truly meant to be with.
Whether it takes until you’re 40 or 26 to find this person.
Even if you’ve had more hookups than tinder thought possible, it is getting you closer to becoming the person you need to be to find your true person.
Of course, all of this goes hand-in-hand with healing.
If you have gone through trauma with relationships, even childhood traumas, and have not yet healed, the likeliness of finding that person is weakened because you are blocked by those negativities.
The lesson, then, is to heal those traumas and free yourself from the cycle of internal emotional abuse.
5. Friendship; REASON, SEASON or LIFETIME
Friendship is a hard one. My lessons have been hard hitting in this area of my life.
First, not every friend you value is going to value you the same way.
You can put 100% of yourself into a friend and it won’t be reciprocated no matter what you do.
It’s not about you. It’s about them.
Second, everyone has something to teach you.
Whether they stay in your life for a little bit, a long time, or you find each other at different points in life.
Third, I believe in having a small group of good friends.
Mainly because I put a lot of myself into my friendships.
If I extend myself too far, I get lost in who I’ve showed what part of myself to, and then it becomes more difficult to navigate those superficial friendships.
6. Judge people with kindness, not harshness
I like to say I don’t judge people, but there is always a first impression in my intuition of who I gravitate toward and who I don’t vibe well with.
Needless to say, if I don’t vibe well with someone they won’t end up in my life.
Perpetuating kindness is important to me. I used to be very harsh with the way I judged people, and the universe showed me this judgement right back with how I was judged by others.
So when I notice that I am judging someone, for whatever reason, I like to bring myself into a place of kindness, and ask myself why that judgement is there.
Is it something that I don’t have, or find unappealing that I am judging? Bringing that awareness usually gets me back to a place of kindness and out of the harshness of judgement.
7. Write more
Get that creativity flowing !!
Writing is such a useful tool for learning about yourself.
I know, I know, you’ve heard it before, but honestly, writing helps me comprehend experiences that are difficult, confusing, or anxiety inducing.
It also helps me to learn about myself.
Writing for school is VERY different than writing for personal gain.
Try searching writing prompts if you want something new to write about!
How do you think I came up with this content?
Mostly from my brain, let’s be real.
Still, new ideas are out there, and accessing your creativity by writing about something new is a great feeling.
8. Dance it out! Do more yoga, keep active everyday!
I love dancing, even though I can’t dance.
In grad school, I listened to trapp music on repeat because it made me so hyper focused that I could just vibe with the music while writing.
When I needed a break, I would just get up and dance it out to the same 5 songs on my playlist!
Yoga is also a wonderful practice. Yoga is not exercise.
Yoga is a practice of stilling your mind, aligning your body and your mind, and gaining control over your body.
9. Love unconditionally, always
LOVE! It’s so important to love everyone. It’s hard sometimes to show love when you’ve been hurt or love has not been reciprocated.
Unrequited love causes deep pain. But loving others and yourself unconditionally is vital to healing that pain.
Can you guess why? Because loving yourself and others is the lesson from that unrequited love.
Yes, I have experienced unrequited love, multiple times.
It hurts.
It doesn’t just hurt, it crushes you in a way that is incomprehensible to someone who has never loved and not felt love back.
My point, is to love yourself, so much that your own self love overpowers the need for love from others.
Radiate love. Radiate love like the rad in your basement on full blast in the middle of December.
There is no consequence to being love, and loving others unconditionally. Nothing bad can come if it is done with love.
10. Remember the rule of thirds!
This one is amazing!
One hobby to make you money, that’d be a teaching.
One hobby to keep you active, that’d be running.
One hobby to keep you inspired and creative, that’d be writing and blogging about my many many thoughts.
There is no limit to the amount of hobbies to have. I also have other hobbies that make me money, and others that keep me healthy.
11. There is always another perspective to consider.
Here is where the philosopher in me is trying to make an argument.
If you haven’t seen my youtube video, please watch it.
Perspective is just a way of viewing things.
I’m not saying you need to agree, but having an open mind to the way others perceive situations and the perspective of someone with different life experiences is valuable to creating an informed opinion.
It also shows us the dissenting view, or opposing view to the views that we are set in.
Dogs are everything to me. For someone who never grew up with dogs, they may not understand why I love them so much.
My story about my love for dogs may offer them a perspective on dogs that they would never consider before hearing my perspective because they could only have been exposed to their view, or their family’s view about dogs.
See what I mean? Keeping an open mind to different perspectives allows you to be more open to how others view the world.
12. Because we don’t know everything it enables free will, be comfortable in not knowing the future.
This world is a funny place. I can intend that my day will be fantastic, and amazing, but then it won’t go as I intended.
Taking comfort in knowing that I cannot control the future is part of having free will.
If I knew everything to happen tomorrow, where would joy fit in? Where would the sudden impact of immense joy be valuable if I knew exactly what would happen in my future… it wouldn’t… because I would know.
Another way to look at it is to use it to your own advantage by creating the future and dedicating yourself to making your future great.
It’s all about mindset. It’s all about habits.
13. Life begins at the edge of your comfort zone, face your fears!
Learning to face my deep rooted fears has been a big lesson throughout the past 10 years.
If you’ve read my mental health journey then you have a sense of what I’ve been through.
In the place I’m in right now, I am feeling like I know who I am.
One of the main reasons I feel this way is because I jumped off the deep end into the world of blogging and found my voice.
I finally found a way to get my message across and inspire others who have been through similar experiences.
I posted a throwback today about camp. I loved camp so much because it taught me to face my fear of public speaking.
My first year at camp, at 11 years old, it was three things scaring me; being away from my mom, not knowing anyone, and not understanding what the camp setting was like.
After the first couple days, I was participating in the drama portion of camp, it forced me out of my comfort zone and into God’s arms.
It is a Christian camp, and the only place I truly read the bible and understood the power of God’s love is at camp.
I don’t go anymore, but I went for as long as possible!
Trust me, I will go back to camp as a councillor and I will inspire the young people who are experiencing it for the first time.
Remember …
Everyone has different experiences which is what makes us unique as human beings.
These are my experiences and a summary of the lessons I have learned throughout the past 25 years.
In 12 days I will be 26 and I am still learning so many lessons.
I hope one of these lessons spoke to you in some way.
Love always, stay true stay weird.
Kristi