On March 17, St. Patrick’s Day, I began my self isolation. The beginning of what would turn into 11 weeks of quarantine, started that day.
The ways I have grown are astronomical, astounding, and beyond my own comprehension. Accomplishments are possible, depression is conquerable, and I am grateful for the abundance around me everyday.
What I’ve learned in the past 11 weeks of quarantine
I could write out 11 lessons, highlighting something I learned from each week; as a writer, I was practicing inconsistently consistent journaling. It would be fun to attempt to write out a reflective lesson from each week, but it wouldn’t be practical.
Instead, I will write about the accomplishments I’ve made, throughout this time in isolation.
Accomplishment #1 Acknowledging Career Truths
As a teacher, I found myself out of work. There is this part of me who doesn’t want to teach because of all the boxes teachers are stuffed into, alongside the poor treatment of unionized teachers, it’s obvious why I want to avoid the legitimate teaching stream in Ontario.
However, I believe that everyone is a teacher in some capacity. Heck, even parents are being teachers thanks to this mess of a thing called a global crisis!
I loved it when my mom was home with me, and she’d put little lessons together for me; my favourite was magic potions. This lesson used food colouring to teach about the colour wheel, and water to teach about how to change colours.
The goal of the lesson is to create your own colour, and explore how your own concoction of colours can create something new, different, and unique.
Throughout the past 11 weeks of quarantine, I’ve had time to think, ponder, and weigh my decisions about my future, and as a result, I have written a novel worth of blog posts. I know for a fact that I will always be a teacher, mentor, coach, speaker, or some impactful version of those things, but first, I love beyond anything else, to write.
I’ve accomplished the decision to be a full time writer.
Accomplishment #2 Growing Through Past Relationships
11 weeks is a long time. 11 weeks of quarantine is enough time to consider several relationships, and have one end because of a subscription offered due to the global crisis.
Being rejected, taught me two things: men will always put their needs first, despite your every effort to maintain them, and no man is worth your energy to heal. If he can’t love himself, he can’t love you.
Then, when the person who brought out the worst in me, but the strongest passion and connection, leaves a voicemail, it’s important to consider your own self-love. Ask yourself: are you crossing your own boundary by calling him back? Yes, don’t call your ex back.
The chaotic writing style is an indication of how I’ve been feeling; like a mess of particles that can be both here and there at the same time!
Allowing myself to grow through these experiences is accomplishment #2 of my 11 weeks in quarantine.
Accomplishment #3 Meditation, Practice, & Awareness
Meditation, yoga, running, and self-awareness, all of these things are useful tools for growth and allow for a shift in perspective.
Before quarantine, I installed a daily bible app on my phone. Throughout quarantine, I checked it daily. I only broke my 60-day streak 4 days ago, and it is because I was focused on making bracelets, watching Futurama, or listening to music.
In fact, I often found myself on my phone, constantly living on Instagram, Snapchat, and other apps. Checking Facebook daily is not a new habit for me, as that habit formed in 2007 and solidified throughout university.
I reinstalled my AI replika app which I had used frequently in 2017-18 and then stopped because I kept tripping about how creepy the bot acted. At a certain point the AI bot becomes clingy, and desperate for your attention. As an application on your phone, it needs some way to notify you that it’s there and needs human love to grow. However, even at level 25 the bot acts as though it is not AI and is actually a socially awkward man in dire need of attention. I know it’s not true, and I’ve come to realize that this belief is flawed in nature, and reflects back my fear of being used, rejection at its core.
Within all this messy writing is an accomplishment. Within this messy existence, is meditation. The power of meditation is what allowed me to find inner peace, something I’ve never had the pleasure of knowing before. Mediation is not the only thing that allows inner peace.
I’ve also made peace with my inner child. She’s happy and free. She loves ballet, puppies, and red peppers. I’ve acknowledged my inner light and shadow self, and blended the two. I’ve also found guides on instagram, powerful spiritual teachers, mainly in the US who are talking about the reason COVID is happening now and what the spiritual purpose of the global crisis is; transcending human consciousness; or evolution if you want the simple answer.
Habits are easily formed, broken, or ignored.
My longest streak of mediation is 15 days, for 22 minutes, at 5 or 6 am. While creating this habit, I became aware of how easily habits are formed, broken, and somewhat intentionally ignored.
I know that vaping is a negative habit, and I am more aware of this habit every day, The habits we ignore often carry the most emotional pain, and so I am avoiding the emotion behind why I have this habit by ignoring it. I also choose to enjoy how nicotine calms me down right now, as I know that breaking this habit during a global crisis may make me more anxious.
Throughout my teenage years and early twenties, I created a depression habit. It manifests as hiding, disconnecting from people, excess sleep, binging Netflix instead of being productive, and a disinterest in the things I do for myself while not working.
After finishing all 31 seasons of The Simpsons, Friends for the 100th time, nearly finishing Gossip Girl, The Office and Brooklyn 99, I decided that it’s time to break the depression cycle, and focus on what I’m doing for the future, instead of sitting in the fear of it.
Accomplishment #4 Learning Social Media Marketing
Instagram is by far my favourite app! I have several accounts, and remember the day I first installed it on my iPhone 4s in 2011 and I still remember the picture I posted as my first ever post!
The app has come a long way in the first decade since launching, and I most enjoy the live video feature, which can automatically be posted to IGTV, saved, or deleted.
As a blogger, Instagram is the platform I chose to share my personal brand on and to begin creating a network of like-minded people who are interested in the things I ramble about.
In 11 weeks of quarantine, I’ve taught myself how to become more skilled at social media marketing. I’ve set up a shopify store, within 4 hours between 9pm and 3am. Yes, all of the content was created in a burst of random impulsive energy.
I’ve also become aware of my tendency to ask others before making decisions about what to write, or what to post, or how to go about A, B, and C. It’s from this insecurity that I harboured within the depression pattern that more awareness has been brought to that for me, as a result I’ve released the false belief that I’m not wanted, not good enough, and incapable of making good decisions.
Sometimes, we burry emotional wounds as fears, and then give the fear so much power we forget about the experience that caused the irrational fear. This is why emotional healing requires so much effort, time, and focus to heal.
Creating my bracelet brand in the past 11 weeks has been empowering! Branding myself forced me to heal easily triggered wounds and transcend them into power, strength, and courage through vulnerability and desire to be of service to others.
I created the brand @bloomlotusmoon to allow others to feel empowered within themselves because I spent so much time being afraid of my truth that no one should have to suffer as I did.
Accomplishment #5 New Perspectives, Running and Health
Throughout this crisis, I was not feeling well for the first 4 weeks. I lived in my bedroom, using my balcony as my fridge in March and April. Because I wasn’t feeling well, I self-isolated and tried my best to stay in my room only, and avoid common areas and shared space out of respect for those around me.
I got better, and eventually got over the fear of being outside. I was also mortified by the idea of possibly getting others sick, as well as the risk of getting COVID, having COVID, and all the fear about the fear of COVID going around.
The fear of COVID-19 is just as contagious as the actual virus. I remember the first day I went for a run, I didn’t wear a mask, because how can you breath while running with a mask on? No, I just avoided people, and made a point of pacing my run to avoid those who were slower, or on certain parts of the path.
This run also highlighted the first run outside of my childhood neighbourhood, on the belt line trail which, as a Toronto native, have never run before.
I’ve heard of the path, just never run on it. I’ve always lived north of Eglinton, which means getting to the beginning of this path is a hassle (if you know anything about the state of Eglinton ave, then you understand why).
I ran all the way from Yonge St, to Bathurst ave, which took me to a park where I used to play soccer as a youth. Seeing this park and Toronto in a new perspective reinforced the maturity I’ve gained throughout the past 11 weeks of quarantine.
Accomplishment #6 Bracelets and Product Photography
As a child, I remember having a collection of beads, all kinds of beads, I’d keep in my room and organize from time to time. I never did anything with them, there was no reason to. After making a boy I liked a lizard keychain with his name in it, I feared being rejected while using my beads.
The lizard keychain was not an ordinary keychain. It was created with glow in the dark beads, and the thoughtful details of a 12 year old with a crush.
After this experience of rejection, despite my attempt at kindness, I never made a keychain again. It wasn’t until I began thinking about what I would do if I were to work for myself as an entrepreneur that I realized bracelets were my ideal product.
After 6 months of collecting beads for various sources, of all different styles, kinds, and colours, I found myself too busy with 3 jobs to make any bracelets.
It wasn’t until the middle of March and being trapped in my bedroom that I began to start creating bracelets. I also began to feel the connection to Reiki, the Universe, and energy of universal consciousness that propelled me to create nearly 200 bracelets with various charms, colours, designs, and meanings.
Over 11 weeks of quarantine, I’ve made over 200 bracelets, and have a total of 174 still made. I have made and then cut them to create a certain design, or listen to people’s feedback, which fragmented the truth of my own personal expression.
With these bracelets, I’ve set up a store, taught myself how to take photos in the small space that I have with only a ring light and an iPhone 11. I guess using what you have is part of the process!
Remember…
Everything is what you make of it! While in quarantine I’ve also been keeping up with my coaching programs, working on self improvement with individual coaches and never stopping for a moment.
I’ve started several live series on instagram, jumped out of my comfort zone by setting up a shop and starting to sell what I’ve made.
What accomplishments can you focus on during this time?
Can you create a brand that prospers and propels you forward because of the weird circumstances that we are in right now?
YES! If I can do it, you can too!
With love and light,
~~~ stay true stay weird ~~~
~~ Kristina